Horses, Gear Grinders, And The Alamo

Quick Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or the world they inhabit. They were created by the fabulous people at Zombie Orpheus for their equally fabulous RPG, Masters of the Metaverse!  Be sure to tune in to Twitch.TV/zombieorpheus every Monday at 6PM PST to see more!

“I think we should stay here for the night. It feels…I don’t know, sort of homey to me. I’m not sure why.”

Jesse James shot a disbelieving glance over toward John Hardin. The man did look for all the world like he would be perfectly content to pull up a chair next to the fireside and settle in for a cozy night among the bloodstains. The house was basically a murder scene complete with claw marks in the door frame, blood spatters on the floor, and what could only be described as near destruction in the bedrooms.

She shook her head, “We are not sleeping in here tonight, there has got to be a better place.”

Billie the Kid snickered, “Well, well. Who died and made you leader of this gang?”

“Many, many people died.” Jesse retorted, “And I’m not saying that I should be in charge. But while we’re on the subject I would point out that I am the only person here who has any experience running a gang, I don’t lose my pants willy nilly, and I have absolutely no pent up homicidal rage.”

“No one else has morning vendetta? Really?” John looked around, “Just me?”

Doc Holiday stood up and stretched languidly, “Well, I don’t really mind one way or the other where we spend the night. Lord knows, we’ve slept in worse places than this. However, all things being equal if we could find a spot that is a little less blood soaked it would be appreciated.”

Billi jerked her thumb over her shoulder, “We could always sleep in the barn.”

“There’s a barn?” Jesse asked.

“Of course there’s a barn. It’s right outside. Didn’t you…I mean I just assumed that you had…you didn’t see it out there?”

“Goddamn it Billi. No of course we didn’t see it, it’s pitch black out there!” Jesse snapped. 

“Well that’s not my fault. Maybe if you were paying a little more attention to your surroundings instead of your horses, and whatever you were calling those gear grinders you were dragging behind you, you would have noticed it.” Billi said, casually looking over her fingernails.

Jesse glared, “You didn’t even have pants until ten minutes ago.”

“I did have pants!” Billi protested, “They were stolen by my other pair of magic pants.”

“Right, magic pants. And now you’re wearing pants that you stole from a dead boy.”

“You don’t know that! Why does he have to be dead? He might just be misplaced is all.”

“Oh you’re right.” Jesse nodded, “He probably just lost control of a pair of scissors and went off to take a nap covered in ketchup.”

“It is funny” Doc suddenly cut in, “Your sudden fascination as it were with the welfare of these animals. I’ve never known you to be so compassionate. Then again, I’ve never known myself to be so temperate for such a long stretch of time. However, I do have a blood contract so that does tend to do things to one’s disposition that are not always well understood. What is your excuse?”

Jesse gave an exasperated shrug, “I don’t know! I don’t understand why I have suddenly taken an interest in the comfort and survival of our non human members. I have a strong brain but that doesn’t mean I always understand it.”

“Come to think of it” said Billi, “I’ve never been so fast as I am now. Of course, I was thinking that was most likely on account of not having any pants on. Which is why I left them off for so long.”

Jesse and Doc looked at each other and then at Billi who declared, “I did ask for pants several times!”

“I feel fine.” John interrupted, “Quite the same. If no one has any objections, I’m just going to go up stairs and poke around the master bedroom a bit. Just to uh, make sure nothing was missed. And possibly sit on one of the chairs. Breathe in the atmosphere a bit…just, you know. Some self care, really.”

With that he hurried up the stairs and they heard the bedroom door open and shut behind him. Jesse shook her head, “Why are we traveling with him again?”

“He wanted to come. Did you want to be the one to tell him no?” asked Doc.

“Eh, leave him be. He can do whatever he likes so far as I’m concerned.” said Billi, “So long as he’s there to help me rob the Alamo, I don’t much care what he does in his spare time.”

“Yeah, about that.” Jesse turned, “Don’t you think you might not be considering things in the right way?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, we’re four outlaws wanted for war crimes, and on the run from a court martial and possible death sentence. I mean, we are being chased by Richard Gatling, Edison’s reject toys, and the former wearer of your escaped pants. I mean, that the only hope we have of surviving past a few weeks is getting to Texas and going to ground in the last independent place in the country. And you hope to celebrate our newly gained liberty by robbing the place straight off?”

Billi blinked, “Yeah.”

“You don’t think that seems a little…short sighted?”


Jesse sighed heavily, “Fine, far be it from me to steal this particular dream from you. I just tend to think that maybe hiding should outweigh stealing.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Billi asked.

“Is it possible for us to go to bed now? I would like to attempt to find my way back to the dream that I was so rudely awakened from before.” Doc said through a yawn.

Jesse nodded, “Fine. But let’s go out to the barn. I don’t want to sleep in here. Besides, if anyone finds us it’s going to look mighty suspicious. You know, what with the murder scene and everything.”

Billi snorted, “Who’s going to find us? Anyway, I have excellent hearing. I would hear anyone coming a mile away before they ever got close to us.”

“Be that as it may” Jesse continued, “We should still head out to the barn. We don’t want to be caught with our pants down. Or missing.”

Doc chuckled and walked outside, followed closely by Billi. Jesse sighed and headed upstairs to extricate John from his “me time”.

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